It has been so long since I’ve visited a troutstream, I’ve almost forgotten the wonder of it. So in order to remind myself, I went back to an old post:, exercitatione:
As the sun rises the mist morphs from pink to a dull white turning brighter as it moves downstream to the sun. All the shadows are cast parallel to the flow of the river now, making the leaves in the sun glow an iridescent green while the shadowed leaves are a milder, darker tint. The water has been segregated into shoals, rapids, and pools, and the pools look like someone spilled their crayon box and the markers melted. The underwater grasses are deep reddish browns, mossy greens, and black shadows under and behind the bigger rocks. All this is animated by the moving water to blend and fade in and out with the ripples and the mist in motion. Accented by the white feathers of the egret and the gray-blue of the heron – guard of the river – plus the bright red throat of the hummingbird here in the foreground. As I begin to pull on my waders under the pale blue sky, I hope that I will be more like the heron under the bluff, and less like the motorboat, as I enter the painting. I entered the water and decided to cast downstream in lanes, working across the river. Almost every cast and every lane picked up a rainbow! Cast, catch, play, release, repeat.
It can be difficult to release a rainbow when you have it in your hands. But it must be done. They aren’t meant to be kept, but to swim freely through the blues and greens of their lives, finding their own relaxing pools and exciting rapids.
With this in mind, I released my oldest son last week. Dropped him off at a university dorm. Oh I know its not quite the same, but the time seems comparable. I had him for just a minute or so, and then I must set him free to swim where he will. He’s not meant to be kept. He would suffocate. And as much as I can marvel at God’s creation up close, he can only be what God designed when he is not in my hands. My release is a prerequisite to his flourishing, so I release.
On another plane, I accepted a job just over five years ago. I went from a private law practice to a position in local government. It was attractive because of the stable salary, benefits and convenient location, but it was admittedly not my “calling.” Well, recently, I am hearing the echo, or maybe a restatement, of that calling. So I must release. I honestly don’t know what this release will look like. That is up to other people. To follow the call I have to be able to take non-government clients and cases. If my employer allows it, I will maintain the county as a client and take on others as well. If not, we will both release.
It can be difficult to release a rainbow when you have it in your hands. But sometimes it must be done.